Category Archives: Love in Relationships

How to Find Perfect Love

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“Perfect love casts out all fear, for fear hath torment.  And he that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.” 1 John 4:18

perfect loveWe are created in the image of God and designed to have intimate relationships bound in love.   I guess it would be safe to say we are created with a “need” to love, and be loved.

As an infant, the first time we are touched and held by our parent, our initial experience with physical love is activated.  But, only for a moment.  At the stage of infancy, the ability to hold-on to love has not been fully established.  The ability to hold-on when someone says they are holding you is what we label as trust.  Just as a baby will continue to cry until he/she learns how to trust, we as adults will continue to whine and complain until we mature and learn to trust God completely.

We first learn to trust through loving, nurturing parents.  Since they are our first source of nurturing, we begin to trust them as a source of comfort and “love”.  We trust them to return, even when they are away for a day.  Once trust has been established, they can be away for longer periods of time and we still feel secure and loved.  Their continual flow of love keeps our hearts soft and open to trusting.

Unfortunately, some people never fully experience that sense of trust.  A lack of love due to neglect, rejection or abuse is painful and causes emotions to shut down and their heart begins to harden.  Each time pain is felt, a stone is formed in the heart.    After a period of time, the stones form a wall around the heart for protection against further pain.  A person with a stony heart has a difficult time receiving love from God or others – and also have a tough time offering love to others.  Relationships are difficult, and unfortunately, the very thing that is needed to heal the pain is blocked out.

We all have areas of our heart that are stony due to the fact that we all have been hurt when love did not flow properly from early relationships in our lives.   Sometimes parents are unable to provide the relationship and unconditional love that helps build a soft, trusting heart.  Perhaps their own struggles caused them to have a hardened heart – and unable to love properly.

The fact is, as adults we need to understand that our example of love is Jesus Christ.  Through him our hearts can be softened in order to love others.  Regardless of hurts or lack of trust from early relationships, by opening our hearts to Christ we can love through hurts and disappointments.

Ask God for His perfect love to fill you; for God is the only one who has perfect love, (I John 4:18).

Imperfect love hurts; perfect love heals.

Unconditional Love: Finding the Real Thing

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“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5) It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”  1Corinthians 13:4-7

JGods love manifestAs you experience God’s love, you will know you have found the real thing.  He loves you with an everlasting, continual, and unconditional love.  His love is consistent and not based on your behavior, good or bad.  He loves bad boys as much as good boys.  His love is so strong that he doesn’t get offended at us when we make a mistake.

God continues to show you His loving kindness is still there for you to receive.  As you receive God’s love, your love for others is bound to change. It will be a noticeable change because you will have found the freedom that comes when you give and receive unconditional love. Relationships that are built on the foundation of unconditional love are real and lasting.

If you have a desire for the real thing, you must begin to realize what has been real and what has been superficial.  People who have not experienced the love of God only know how to love others on a shallow, superficial level.  Their love is superficial because it is self-serving.  Superficial love may look real at the first glance, but there are certain things that make it superficial.

Superficial love is conditional; and, it will always have a requirement attached to it.  The motive of the heart is the desire to receive something. The motive of the heart therefore is not pure.  To the degree that we have experienced the love of God is the degree that we can love others with genuine love.   Once you know God’s love by experiencing it, you don’t love others to get love; you have the real thing.  God’s love is the real thing; it is genuine. His love is totally satisfying and ends all our searching.

Let Your Love Be the Real Thing

Have you been offended? How to Deal With Offenses

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“Oh, Magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together.”   Psalm 34:3

dealing with offenseHave you noticed the increase in the opportunities to be offended?  Even after 25 years of marriage to my husband, I sometimes get offended by what he says.  As a wife, I may know he doesn’t mean something the way I took it, but I still feel a huge pull to be offended.

I believe in the day we are living, the days prior to the return of the Lord, there will be a greater pull than ever before to be offended.  Jesus taught us in Mathew 18:7 that offenses will surely come.  In Mathew 24, when the disciples asked Jesus what the signs of His return would be, He said in verse 10, “And then shall many be offended…”

So we should not be surprised when we feel the pull to be offended. The question is: how fast do you move past an offense?  Jesus made it possible for us to be able to move past offenses very quickly.

I must constantly remind myself that we are in “the time,” the days before Jesus returns.  Paul said in 2 Thessalonians 2:3, that there would be a great falling away in these days.  I believe the falling away is due to being offended. If your love waxes cold according to Mathew 24, you will fall away.

I know when I am offended, I must quickly forgive.  Forgiveness is the only answer!  It is the way of escape! The quicker I forgive, the quicker I come back into my right mind.  When I am offended my soul is in control.  When I forgive, my spirit rises up above my soul and takes back over.

I have learned that when I am offended everything is distorted and even my emotions become out of control. When I am offended at a person I will see them in a distorted way, bigger than they really are.  I will become overly focused on them. They become the center of attention and all I talk about for days.  Every conversation even goes back somehow to what offended me.

The more we put our focus on those who offended us, the more magnified they become.  This could cause our heart to wax cold and may lead us to sin against God.  He is the only one we are to magnify.  When we focus on others and what they did to offend us, we make them bigger than God.

 Oh, Magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together. (Psalm 34:3)

So right now press the minimize button and minimize the person who has offended you.  Bring them down to the right size and forgive them.  Remember, if it were not for the grace of God you might have done the very same thing.

Are You Able to Connect?

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“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

Connecting with people is sometimes very difficult to do. I t is heartbreaking when we can’t seem to connect with those who are closest to us.  If you have been hurt in a relationship, you may be guarding your heart and fearful of being hurt again.  It is very hard and even impossible to connect when you can’t lay your guard down and open your heart.

If you find it hard to connect with others, you may have a wounded heart that needs to be healed.  Trust God to heal your wounded, betrayed and broken heart.  Healing comes by faith.

And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him. James 5:15.

The prayer of faith shall heal the sick and heal the heart.  Pray this simple prayer right now.  By faith begin receiving your healing.

Father God, It is hard for me to connect to others. I have been hurt and I want to be healed. I ask you to heal my broken heart and bind up my wounds.

In Jesus name,  Amen

Strategic Rapid Fire

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“Perfect love casts out all fear” 1 John 4:18
The greatest weapon we have against the enemy is love.  He sets up camp in people who are fearful of rejection and convinces them that they are not loved. 1 John 4:18 says perfect love will cast out all fear.  From this verse we can gain wisdom of how God intends for the enemy to be defeated.  It is through love that fear is cast out and it is through love that his access points are closed.
So how do you know when the enemy has someone in your family convinced that they are not loved?  It will be very obvious by their words and actions.  You will know it because they will criticize and even crush you with their words, and will do things that seem to be deliberate rejection.  Stand firm; you must remind yourself it is not the person, but the enemy working through them. Pull out the strongest ammo, get ready, aim and rapid fire love towards them.
What I mean by rapid fire is to show them love in various ways all within a few hours of each other.  Like a phone call in the early morning, an encouraging text at lunch, then, invite them for dinner in the evening accompanied by a thoughtful gift.  At dinner find ways to affirm their gifts and abilities and encourage them to use their gifts in creative ways.  After several days of very strategic rapid fire the enemy will be overcome and the family member you thought you had lost will be won.

Something Needs to Change?

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“Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts and see if there is any wicked way within me…” Psalms 139:23-24

When we pray this prayer it is usually when we know something needs to change at the heart level.  No real change occurs outside of trust and relationship, for these are two of the most important functions of the heart.  In a relationship with another, you must be willing to change and trust that God will work in the other person by showing them what needs to change.

The rules that govern the heart are established early in life. Like hinges and locks on a door need to be changed because they get rusty and affect how the door opens and closes, the rules that open and close the doors of the heart need to be looked at and changed so the door of the heart can open freely again.

Is there someone who you have shut out by closing the door of your heart?  Is the Lord pressing upon you to change your attitude by opening the door and fellowshipping with them again?  Or, is there someone in your life who you will crack the door open just enough to say, “What do you want?” It may be the time to open the door and say, “I am sorry I was wrong for locking you out of my life, please come over and let’s talk things out.” Change is possible when your turn to God and ask Him to create within you a pure and clean heart, removing all the rust of resentment so the door of your heart will open to those you love.

“Search me Lord, and know my heart,”

Change the Atmosphere in Your Home?

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I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify Him with thanksgiving.” Psalm 69:30

Did you know that when you have a thankful heart the atmosphere of your home will change?  Try it, and see how the Lord will transform your home into a peaceful habitation.

When you start offering Thanksgiving and Praise, you will immediately find that it only takes one person giving thanks and soon the whole house will be full of thanksgiving.   The following verses from the Old Testament gives an account of how the glory of the Lord filled the house when they praised and thanked Him.

“And the Levites who were the singers, all those of Asaph and Heman and Jeduthun, with their sons and their brethren, stood at the east end of the altar, clothed in white linen, having cymbals, stringed instruments and harps, and with them one hundred and twenty priests sounding with trumpets– indeed it came to pass, when the trumpeters and singers were as one, to make one sound, to be heard in praising and thanking the LORD, and when they lifted up their voice with the trumpets and cymbals and instruments of music, and praised the LORD, saying: “For He is good, for His mercy endures forever, “that the house, the house of the LORD, was filled with a cloud, so that the priests could not continue ministering because of the cloud; for the glory of the LORD filled the house of God.” 2 Chronicles 5:12-14

Share Thanks in your home today, and watch how the Lord will fill your house.

“Surely the righteous shall give thanks unto thy name: the upright shall dwell in thy presence.”    Psalms 140:1

What is Perfect Love?

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“Perfect love casts out all fear, for fear hath torment. And he that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.” 1 John 4:18

Perfect LoveWe are born with a need for love and fear is waiting at the door when we don’t receive it.  The first time we are touched and held as an infant, the need for love is met, but only for a moment.  As an infant, the ability to hold on to love has not been established.  The ability to hold on when someone says they are holding you is what we call “trust”.

Just as a baby will continue to cry until he/she learns how to trust, we as adults will continue to cry and complain until we mature and learn to trust God completely.

We first learn to trust through loving, nurturing parents.  We learn that we can trust them to return, even when they are away for a day.  Once trust has been established, they can be away for longer periods of time and we still feel secure and loved.  Their continual flow of love keeps our hearts soft.  A lack of love due to neglect, rejection or abuse is painful and causes emotions to shut down, so the heart begins to harden.

Each time pain is felt, a stone is formed in the heart.  After a period of time, the stones form a wall around the heart for protection against further pain.  A person with a stony heart has a difficult time receiving love from God or others.  The very thing that is needed is blocked out.

We all have areas of our heart that are stony due to the fact that we all have been hurt when love did not flow properly from our parents.  They could only give what they received from their parents.  You cannot drink water from an empty cup.

Women, did you have long periods of time when your father wasn’t in your life?  You may have built a wall around your heart making it difficult to trust and receive love from your husband.  Men, did you have a long period of time when you were not receiving nurturing from your mother?  You may experience difficulty trusting and receiving love from your wife.

Ask God for His perfect love to fill you; for God is the only one who has perfect love, (I John 4:18).

Imperfect love hurts; perfect love heals.

Written by Denise Boggs.

He Heals the Broken Hearted

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“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

Connecting with people is sometimes very difficult to do.  And how heartbreaking it is when – for whatever reason – we can’t seem to connect even with those who are closest to us.

If you have been hurt in a relationship, you may be guarding your heart and fearful of being hurt again. It is very hard and even impossible to connect when you can’t lay your guard down and open your heart.

Trust God to heal your heart that has been wounded or betrayed and is now broken.  If you find it hard to connect with others you may have a wounded heart that needs to be healed.  Healing comes by faith.  The prayer of faith shall heal the sick and the prayer of faith shall heal the heart.

Pray this simple prayer right now and by faith begin receiving your healing:

Father God, It is hard for me to connect to others. I have been hurt and I want to be healed. I ask you to heal my broken heart and bind up my wounds.

In Jesus name, Amen.

Written by Denise Boggs.

Learning to Trust Again

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“He heals the brokenhearted and bindeth up their wounds.” Psalms 147:3

God has made full provision for healing the pain of past so you can trust again.

Have you ever trusted someone to love you that did not know how to love?  Or have you ever loved someone that did not know how to receive your love?

In both cases you will experience rejection. This type of rejection is very painful especially when it comes from someone whom you really trust. The pain from being hurt by someone you trust is much greater than being hurt by a casual friend.  It takes years to build trust, but it only takes a moment of rejection to tear down trust. This is because when you trust someone, you open your heart up to them.  When they reject you, the natural tendency is to close your heart to them in order to avoid being hurt again. The pain that comes from rejection creates a big wound that must be healed in order to be able to trust that person again.

Jesus made complete provision for our physical and emotional healing.  But many people are stuck, “locked in time” desperately needing to be set free from the pain of the past. One way many people try to get rid of pain is to just forget what happened and forget about the person who hurt them.  You can tear that person out of your address book and for a while you will be able to forget what happened but if healing did not occur the pain is still there.

The pain that lingers from the past keeps you tied to the past.  Isaiah, the prophet, said in Isaiah 1:4-6 that those people who have not been healed will go backwards. Like taking one step forward and then two steps backward, you aren’t getting anywhere.

Another way many people deal with pain is to run from it or pretend it really isn’t there.  Pain is like a shadow you look around and it is still there no matter how fast you run.  That is why so many people are walking around with the shadow of the past still on them.  Pain must be faced and dealt with in order for it to be put away.   Instead of running from pain, stop, turn around and face it.  Pain must be faced to be healed.

You may be one who has received some healing, but the pain still remains. Jeremiah 6:14 also says that when a person has only been healed slightly, they say peace, peace, but when there is no peace. The amount of peace you are having can be a good indicator of how much healing you have received. Once you are healed and the pain is gone you will be ale to hold your heart open again and trust. Healing produces trust in you. If the person that hurt you has proven over and over to not be trustworthy, suggest they also receive healing. Healing produces trustworthiness in them.

Then wait on the Lord to give you peace.

Written by Denise Boggs.