“Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colors. And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.” Genesis 37:3-4

Just like Joseph, we have all experienced relationship problems.  It is in how we process these problems that determines our peace with God. Joseph released his brothers and found forgiveness. (Gen.50:15-20)

Learning how to deal with problems and conflict in a relationship is learned in your family when you’re growing up.  A healthy family deals with problems as they arrive instead of sweeping them under the rug. When there is a problem in a healthy family, the hurtful things that are said are addressed quickly.  These hurtful things are not just overlooked, but addressed so forgiveness can occur.

When hurtful words or actions are not dealt with, the pain gets buried. Usually buried pain does not surface for many years.  A person who can face a situation and deal with it quickly will be much healthier than a person who does not know how to deal with problems properly.  Life is full of relationship problems, and relationship problems are full of pain; it’s all in how you deal with it that determines your quality of life.  It is possible for a person who has had a life of hardship and suffering to still enjoy a life of peace and joy if they deal with the pain as they go.

If you had a hurtful situation that was never dealt with, the pain may still be affecting your life today. You may be in much need of healing and not even realize it.  The sad thing is everyone around you knows it when they see you in an emotional roller-coaster with sudden outbursts of anger.  Anger is an outward indicator of a serious lingering heart pain.  Anger will usually surround a hidden pocket of pain that needs to be healed.

The Psalmist David knew that when he sinned, it was his heart that needed healing. He said,

Lord be merciful to me, heal my inner self (heart), for I have sinned against you.” Psalm 41:4 Amp

We don’t hesitate to see a doctor when we have chest pain, but never give it a thought when we explode at the least little thing, like when a Dad yells at the kids when they leave their skateboard in the driveway, or when Mom screams when someone leaves clothes on the floor.

“God knows the secrets of the heart” (Psalms 44:21)

He knows what we have released and forgiven, and what we are still holding on to.  It is those things we are still holding on to that causes the anger.